


it's okay to cry [cry with me]

by blackemerald_60



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Light Angst, No Plot/Plotless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:01:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21912586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackemerald_60/pseuds/blackemerald_60
Summary: A bit after Maura is rescued. A lot of crying in the night, with a few words exchanged in the morning.
Relationships: Maura Isles/Jane Rizzoli
Comments: 4
Kudos: 92





	it's okay to cry [cry with me]

**Author's Note:**

> this is not the fic I meant to write, but it's the fic that got written and I can't say I hate it [that much]  
> I might even be a little drunk. 
> 
> None of these characters are mine, usual standard blah blah blah here.  
> [but god do I wish these characters are mine]

Sweat dripped down her face like tears. They’ll have to do. Jane Rizzoli didn’t cry. 

Correction. 

She couldn’t cry. Sure, if it was for a grieving family who would never see their loved one again, or for someone else she cared about who was struggling, the tears might flow. But if it was for herself, her own emotions or her own problems, she could never submit to the tears by herself. She was always assaulted by them, taken at random moments, when she was finally pushed to the edge. Even when she was younger, she could never cry until it was too late. And then she would cry silently into her pillow, suppressing sobs and feeling her body shake until she was all cried out, never letting a sound escape her room. 

And right now was not the time to cry. There was someone after her, targeting her and her loved ones. Seeing Maura scared stiff, wielding that scrap of metal like it was a lifeline, her entire body trembling, that was something she never wanted to see again. Jane cried then, for Maura, but not for what she was feeling. Right now, she was letting the anger run through her. Better now than later, because later, she needed a clear head. 

Right now though, she was alone in the precinct gym, trying to release everything she had been holding on to. A good cry might even be good for her. But the tears never came. So she sweat it off instead. That would have to do. For now. 

Maura cried easily. Not really because she was submitting to the emotions that ran through her, but because she knew, scientifically, that she would feel better. So she allotted herself time to cry and made herself cry at those times with the help of sad videos. But there were only rare moments of submission to the crying she knew was best for her. The crying that tore her apart and broke down walls, the crying that left her a heaving mess on the floor. That type of crying was a rarity for her too. 

That’s why Jane and her could work. That’s why they would never work. Because they weren’t opposites. They shared the same traits, they just manifested differently. They were both stubborn, both afraid, and both lacking in emotional intelligence. They were both intelligent, warm, and empathetic. They both had an emptiness that they had filled with material things and one night stands. They shared all of those traits, held them alone until they had found each other. Saw reflections of themselves, but also what might have been. Maura with her wealth, Jane with her warm ( _involved_ ) family. And maybe they never talked about it, because why mess with something that worked so well? They were already family, already partners to an extent. Romance didn’t need to be added into the equation. Maura had accepted that a long time ago. Convinced herself of it early on.

But still, seeing Jane while she had been trying desperately to think of a way to get out, was like seeing the sunrise after years alone in the dark. She knew Jane would find her, and the tears that sprang to her eyes when Jane’s face registered were mixed with a dozen different emotions. But mostly, it was relief and gratitude that she felt. Relief that she no longer had to wait. Gratitude that the woman in front of her had chosen her, in any capacity. Warmth as the fear washed away. She was safe. 

* * *

It was 8 PM and Jane hadn’t stopped by yet. Maura didn’t want to be alone. Not so soon. She could hear Angela washing up in her kitchen, but that wasn’t enough. She needed Jane. And she liked to think that Jane needed her too. 

Jane stepped out of the shower and checked her phone. A text from Maura. She looked at the time stamp and then at the clock. She had been working out for a lot longer than she thought she had been. She quickly changed and left the building. 

Jane couldn’t count how many times she had been in front of Maura’s door before Maura had finally just given her a key. It made even more sense for her to have it when Angela had moved into the guest house. This time though, Angela was the one to open the door. There was a quick greeting, a hug and kiss to her mother’s cheek as Angela told Jane that Maura was in her room. Jane nodded and whispered a distracted, “night” as Angela went back to the guest house and Jane locked the front door before heading towards Maura. 

It was like she could feel her, Maura was in bed, tucked into her blankets, trying to sleep, yet scared to sleep at the same time. But Jane was there. She had to be. And the soft knock on her bedroom door confirmed it. A soft, “come in” barely left Maura’s lips before the door was pushed open and closed and Jane was sitting on the edge of her bed. It wouldn’t be the first time that they spend a long night together. It wouldn’t be the last. The job took so much from them. This latest endeavor hitting too close. A gentle, “Hey, you okay?”, tumbled off Jane’s lips as Maura sat up half way in lieu of a greeting. There was a heavy sigh before Maura shook her head. Jane reached out her hand and Maura took it without hesitation. That sat in silence for a bit. Each debating what to say, how to act; what lines they could push and which they couldn’t. 

As always, it was Maura who pushed a little further. She had given up on the chance of romance between them, accepted that it couldn’t be for them. But still, she saw the gentle way Jane looked at her, felt the support she gave in everything she did and Maura couldn’t help falling a little further. So she pushed, gently. “Would you mind holding me tonight?,” she asked. 

“Of course not,” Jane answered, her voice low and hoarse. Maura shifted and held the blanket up for Jane as she took off her coat and slid into the bed. There was little light in the room, but it was enough to see each other by. Some shifting and turning and finally, Maura was in between Jane’s arms, her head tucked beneath Jane’s chin, her own arms holding onto Jane’s back. They stayed like that for a while, with Jane rubbing comforting circles into that space between Maura’s shoulder blades. 

Finally, _finally_ , one of them started crying. Someone grabbed a little tighter and then they were both crying. Jane blindly grabbed the box of tissues on Maura’s bedside table for when they were done. 

It took some time. They cried together in the cover of darkness, wrapped up in each other, finally letting themselves feel _everything_. 

After the last sniffle, a last tissue tossed to the side, Jane checked her watch. It was 11 at night. They had been crying for a long time and there had been no words. There didn’t need to be. Not then. And not between them. They could hold conversations without speaking at this point in their relationship. 

When it was all over, Maura whispered a quiet, “Thank you,” before she turned over and pulled Jane’s arm tighter around her waist. Jane gave another, “Of course,” this time accompanied with a kiss to Maura’s temple. Another thing they wouldn’t talk about. But, it was more than Maura had expected and she fell a little further. 

In the morning, Maura expected to wake up alone and was pleasantly surprised when she found that, that wasn’t the case. Jane still had her arms wrapped around her and Maura allowed herself to indulge in the warmth of Jane's embrace for a little longer. She gave herself three minutes before gently getting out of bed. Or at least, she tried to, but Jane held onto her wrist and when Maura turned around she met brown eyes staring softly at her. Maura laid back down facing Jane. 

Jane took her hand and gently cupped Maura’s cheek, swiping her thumb over her cheek bone. Maura sighed and leaned into her touch as she closed her eyes. This time, it was Jane who broke the silence. “I’ve had some time to think, Maura,” Jane spoke softly, as she always did when it was the two of them talking about something difficult. Maura’s eyes opened, but before she could ask her about what, Jane continued, “I know we never talk about it. And I know that it’s mostly because of me that we don’t. But after this… after finding you like that, I don’t think it’s fair for either of us to pretend any longer. Or rather, it’s not fair to you that I don’t say anything.” Maura stopped breathing. Jane continued to brush Maura’s cheek and gathered her thoughts. 

It was true, she had a lot of time to think after finding Maura and waiting for her in the hospital. And the truth was, whoever was after her could have taken anyone close to her. But they chose Maura. Which meant, even if they weren’t officially together, to the outside world, to those who wanted to harm her, Maura was already in the line of fire. Whoever was after her knew that nothing would unhinge her more than if they took Maura from her. Because Maura was more than just family, more than just her best friend. So it maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t make a difference if they spoke the words that they both denied themselves. One of Jane’s many reasons for why she never said anything was because being a cop’s lover was dangerous. But Maura was already in danger. Maybe it would be best to say what they wanted to say now, before it was too late. Before something worse happened one day and they never got a chance to say the words again. 

So Jane steeled herself, knowing the outcome but terrified nonetheless. “Maura,” Jane’s voice was soft, gravely, and shaking just the tiniest bit, “I have been in love with you for a long time now. I could tell you a million reasons why I never said anything before, but I’m saying it now. I love you and I am in love with you.” 

Maura let out the deepest sigh of relief; she had always imagined those words, never believing she would get to hear them. A few tears escaped her eyes and Jane immediately brushed them away. It took a moment, but Maura cleared her throat and said, “I’m in love with you too, Jane. I have been for a long time. A very long time”. Another whispered, “I know,” came from Jane as she touched her forehead to Maura’s before continuing, “I’m so sorry that it took me this long to finally say it”. 

Maura shook her head and wrapped her arms a little tighter around Jane, “Like you said, you’re saying it now,” Maura said. They laid in silence, letting the heaviness of the conversation wash over them. 

They got out of bed when Jane’s alarm rang. It was the start of a new day. And they had work to do. 

They would be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> I've been in a mood and this piece literally just wrote itself.  
> Been a fan of Rizzoli & Isles for a long time, just never thought I would be writing for them.  
> How naive of me. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading any trash of mine.


End file.
